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Even so, those whom corporate trainer and management consultant Chérie
Carter-Scott would call "negaholics" will take glum comfort in the news
that some Americans seem to be tiring of the Pursuit of Wow. Maybe it's
the foul aftertaste of all that New Economy hype gone sour. Or the psychic
collateral damage inflicted by 9/11. Or the recession. Whatever the
reason, something seems to have taken the Wham-o! out of all those high-fiving
raps on the joys of Constant And Never-ending self-Improvement. Anthony
Robbins's Coué-esque axiom that "the only true security in
life comes from knowing that every single day you are improving yourself
in some way" rings hollow in an America where everyone's wondering if
the twitchy guy in the aisle seat has a nuke in his carry-on luggage.
There's an trendlet now, evinced by books such as The Power of Negative
Thinking: Coming to Terms With Our Forbidden Emotions, by Gerald
Amada, and The Positive Power of Negative Thinking: Using Defensive
Pessimism to Harness Anxiety and Perform at Your Peak, by Julie
K. Norem, that dismisses what Norem calls the "oblivious optimism" of
the Don't Worry, Be Happy wing of pop-psych as unrealistic, even unhealthy.
The psychologist Lauren Slater thinks self-esteem, the accepted foundation
of a sunny-side-up attitude and hence of success, is overrated. In her
essay "The Trouble with Self-Esteem," she quotes researcher Nicholas
Emler, who claims that "there is absolutely no evidence that low self-esteem
is particularly harmful. . . . People with low self-esteem seem to do
just as well in life as people with high self-esteem. In fact, they
may do better, because they often try harder."
Maybe it's time we outgrew our thumb-sucking self-absorption. Maybe
we're ready to question our reflexive equation of personal growth with
Constant And Never-ending Improvement, of life lived deeply with Having
a Nice Day. Maybe we should ask ourselves: What is our manic pursuit
of happiness a flight from? What are our daily affirmations a
lucky charm against?
Ask the aptly named Brother Void; he's been there, he knows. Void is
an ironic mystic whose pitilessly sardonic yet heartachingly sincere
philosophy of "compassionate nihilism" and "negative thinking" ("an
eclectic collection of discredited left-brained problem-solving strategies,
including debate, disagreement, criticism, and analysis") is what the
world needs now. In his recently published book Daily
Afflictions (Norton, $11.95),
Void recounts the soul-curdling moment of existential vertigo when,
"without smoking anything," he suddenly felt "the bottom of whomever
he was [fall] away":
Eternity was gazing through him, a terrible immensity
annihilating him, demanding his surrender, and yet, in some strange
way, requiring him for its own integrity. . . . His whole life seemed
a lie, an elaborate sleight of hand. Every aspect of his personality
was little more than a blind slab of psychic armor, a false self,
a pretension, a self-deluding vanity. Paradoxically, seeing himself
this way felt like the first true moment in his life. He was being
summoned. He was being called to embrace the terrifying Otherness
all around him; embrace the world's horrors and hopelessness; embrace
all that he feared and all that he had ever pushed away.
In the ego-shriveling furnace of this encounter with the Mysterium
Tremendum, the titanium-hard insights Brother Void calls daily afflictionssteely
words of wisdom that arm "the individual for the jungle of existential
terror and paradox that awaits with each new day"were forged.
Whereas daily affirmations "promise that you can attract what you wish
for by visualizing it," writes Void, afflictions "remind you that when
you feel desperate and alone, you are. . . . You can't avoid suffering.
The right affliction, however, can make your suffering more meaningful.
It won't tell you the answer, but it can deepen an unresolvable question;
it won't help you find yourself, but it might help you to realize that
you are irretrievably lost. . . . For only in darkness, light; only
in paradox, truth; only in affliction, affirmation."
Daily afflictions such as "I will find that special person who is wrong
for me in just the right way," "The future is full of possibilities
that I must shoot in the head," and "I set aside a little time each
day to die" turn the self-improvement movement's cherished faith in
the spark of the divine within each of us inside out, forcing us to
confront the dark matter we all harbor. Throwing open the door to the
starless existential emptiness behind the world of appearances, Brother
Void exposes us to a soul-sucking spiritual vacuum that strips us, in
an instant, of our positive thoughts, creative visualizations, and Transformational
Vocabularies, leaving us naked and trembling before the deeply meaningful
meaninglessness withoutand within. The choice is clear: Face and
embrace the brutal truth that we are motes in the unblinking eye of
a godless cosmos or be crushed by the infinitely dense black holes of
our collapsing selves. In that moment, self-esteem will be the least
of our problems.
Mark Dery's latest book is The Pyrotechnic
Insanitarium: American Culture on the Brink (Grove Press, 1999).
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